Another Controversy of Thought (If You Like to Read)

Another Controversy of Thought (If You Like to Read)

This is me… again writing about my thought. Whatever it is; I feel numb. Anyway I guess I haven’t really write these days; still I was thinking of leaving a few words of life that I’ve passes this recent. I hate to say this but I guess life is really a journey of life to which it have a few stages of life that we have to deal with; and each stages of life have the rotation of wheels. Today we’ll feel bad about everything; but tomorrow it will change, either if it to become much better or worst. It is all… life. …I guess my life really changed after merging up with people’s crowd. …trying to disagree with my changes but hell; I COULDN’T! I’m changed. I’ve passes a few doldrums stages and I’ve passes a few cowardice-of-life-stages to which I’m the one who plays with rules and get hurts alone~ …till I become numb with it and ban on everything! …now it’s a new rules of life-game that I’m dealing with. …I’m changed.

As everyone know especially for reader who likes to read my darkness life; I was struggling with my life~ and at some moment I was feeling very depressed and aggravations, hating on everything and banning at anything till I don’t really put myself to merge up with people. I was scared to being hurt and I was feeling cowardice to deal with soreness again; till I guess I did losing a few opportunity of sweet part of life. I can tell. …now I guess I’m changed. A lil’ part of me has changed; but I can’t guarantee that I am still me; I am still the girl with fragile hearted, I am still the girl with super sensitive feelings and I am still the girl that easy to feel hates. …however I believed that it’s one’s character that makes em’ being beautiful or unique.

Anyway; let’s not talk about life-thingy; because it is full of mysterious moment; to describe it, it is too wide for you to explore; not even me, our folk or youngster to tell about it wiser! I am just a person that has nothing at all. To talk about it; I guess everyone has a better stories to share than mine.

So; I am now a trainee or a student of some post; and this recent I’m having my observing-activities with a few mentors and friends. While undergoing my activities, I’d met and talked with the head of the organization (in group); the headmistress~ to which she is a 40s or 50s year old succeeds women. She talked about life and experiences that she have undergo; the soreness, the sweetness of life and etc. It is all… life. Hard to declares it right; but I am pretty sure that I’ve talked and met a great person that actually motivates me to be “better”. …well, I don’t know about the others but for me I salute this person up high and yes! I dare to confess that, “SHE IS A TRUE CHRISTIAN; AND SHE WALK WITH HER GOD” That’s makes me solute her pretty damn sure! It’s not because of her visual-attitudes that charmed me; not because of her words of wisdom that full of “her god’s words” but maybe the way that she managed her obstacles makes me “trust” in her. Through it all; I dare to say that,” RELIGION DOESN’T MAKE ANY PERSON BEING RELIGIOUS; BUT ATTITUDES DOES. ATTITUDES MEASURES A PERSON’S FAITH IN THEIR GOD; ATTITUDES MEASURES ANY PERSON’S FAITH IN THEIR GOD’S WORDS” and I say CRAP to all followers who claim themselves to be part of it instead of undergo the rules that supposed to be hold! Ban your religion and stop talking crap about religious CRAP if you know NOTHING about it! Pretending or claiming to be one is bullshit, especially when you commit to it but STILL doing SHITS that your religion has to say!

…anyway; she brought up the words “good fruits is produced by good trees; so to the bad fruits it produced by some bad trees” and she mentioned about “rewards” that ‘her god’ will give to all persons based on their faith in god, their attitudes and their way of life. She claims that whoever act, do and trust in “Him”; in everything they do, wish and plans; will have their rewards. Either to have it sooner or later; “He’ll” never fails to watch and keep you safe. Well I was thinking about it before; long time ago while being a kid, “No matter how worst is my obstacle that I needed to deal; I believe that, “that’s for my own good”; Perhaps if I force to have things to be exactly like I wanted everything to be; I think other worst part will lead. (…well that’s me long time ago~ believing in anything and live to wish for everything goes “good”) …not anymore~ I don’t think that he’ll pay the rewards like the rumors says. He’s now and forever probably is rocking his ass watching “certain people” suffers! It’s just NOT FAIR! …WHATEVER! Hence the lady mentioned about “how life is so beautiful” … (not for me! Not for me~ I have my sore moment… and even if I’ll feel good if washes pretty fast than other people do!) Dad once asked me, “Do you think you can live to just based on things that you call morality?” …gotten questions from friends too like, “do you think god is exist?” and “how do you cope your life without leaning on ‘god’? My answer: yes and no. The myth or lessons is being hold by generations that god does exist so it live on each men’s that he does exist and yes if he really does; he might be rocking his ass right now watching our life in suffers! Still I’d talked to dad and ask him that, “If you saying that god does exist, do you think he’ll watch over any person who doesn’t trust in him or thinks that he’s not really exist? …after all he is all the revengeful-thingy! It’s not fair! He’ll never be fair!” …and he says, “yes”. WHATEVER; I’m not in a word of debating about it. Still even though that there’s a lil disagree and jealousy with the headmistress’s “perfect reward”; she’s still the best! …and she makes me wonder; if “good fruits are produced by good trees; so to the bad fruits. It produced by some bad trees”, so~ which part of my folk’s misstep that produced a worst fruit thingy like ME!!!?? What about me!!?? What about me!!!?? How is me!!!?? What the fuck will I transmit shits to the new generations!!?? How is me!!?? What about me!!?? Answer that!!! …and I’m numb; a lil’ hurt but mostly numb. …still she’s a good Christian!

…I guess I’ve been writing about this matter a few days ago and I keep adding it through things that reflected in my mind. I guess I really need to sit back and relax. Meeting and merging up with friends sometimes really tiring others are remind limited. No matter how aggressive and hyper am I doing while merging up with those communities, there is always a necessary for each person to take spaces, relax and being alone. Still I know a lil part of my mind has changed. May my new stage of life-journey will become better.

-Beck Here; the Bandagedknee-

Tap My Shoulder; I Know Everything Will Be Okay

Tap My Shoulder; I Know Everything Will Be Okay

This is BECK; the bandagedknees!
Your Broken Medusa; and The Poisonous Writer
I talk whatever I want;
And I do whatever I like;
You can’t asked me to stop,
Nor you can’t resist my conversation!
I’ll strike to the graves;
And you’ll be my ash!
Yeah, you guys can cry trying;

But aggravation will be the answer

*** *** *** ***

ROFLMAO (Roll Over the Floor, Laughing My Ass Out!)! I am now at my ass laughing out loud; alone in my room with feelings like, “What!?” I don’t know! I don’t know how to describe it. It’s funny and o well, it does killing! HAHA!! Its life we talking about and everyone now knows about how I feel towards WORLD! Sore, Sore, Sore, Sore, Sore, Happy, Sore, Sore, Sore, Sore, happy, Sore, sore, sore, sore, funny, sore, sore, sore, sore…. Till the end! It’s about the same! It’s liked an idiot-wheel-of-life that given us any uncertain opportunities to feel good, better, sore or worst! I was at my ass; mourning bout how is life to be so unfair to certain people. And sometimes or mostly I was feeling like I am a victim. Too bad dad’s quote is making it clear, “sometimes it’s not the faith that troubling. But it’s the person’s idiotic that making things worst!” Well, maybe I am the idiot before for wishing things to be “better or smooth”, but I guess everyone does that too. Right? Whatever~

I was in sorrow before aggravated bout my fucking horror love life! Maybe if I’m a bit “relax” like what Claudel’s suggested I might be assure to skip this humor! LOL. Anyway I guess everything is back to normal now, and yup THIS IS ME; LOVE IT OR HATE IT YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT!

So like I said; I have a funny experiences to share and please do tell me that either if I’m in a bad situation or I’m still such a smart girl on earth! Trying to share this fucking thing with REAL life friends and not with some virtual someone; it’s a waste! I can’t really talk or share to just anyone. They WON’T listen! They never do! Whatever~ "It’s all like a bandaged knees; once you falls you’ll assure to get back on your feet but a while moment after that it’s not at any guarantee that you won’t fall! Life is like bandaged knees, if you fall you need to get back on feet and bandage it as soon as possible. Simple right! (But hard to do~)"

I was at my puppy-love this recent and yup; when there is love, there’ll be hate or sore heart. It is just too ridiculous. I’m happy to end all those shit! Anyway; back to the main thing. What do you think about this situation?

I’d blocked or banned a guy that used to be my potential lover AKA a priest-wannabe because of his dream! Hence he had admitted to choose that profession over me! This puppy love isn’t work for both of us! You need to move on!

Sorry; not by intention to humiliate other but I was composing this situation thingy over and over using “better” words but it’s like “didn’t really ring the bell”. I tried to talk to some friends about the matter that related before but they’re like, “Hell Beck! Doesn’t it great? It’s good for him to be that person don’t you think so? If you really like him, well let he be what he wanted to be then.” Well, READ THIS: NO ITS NOT! YES IT MIGHT BE GOOD FOR HIM BUT SUCKS FOR ME THOUGH! SO, WHAT THE HELL, RIGHT!!?? WHAT AM I DOING THERE THEN?

He has committing in love with me but STILL wanna undergo the trial to be a father AKA priest. To be that; it’s a BIG NO for them to be in love with any person (not into exposing which Christian society is he following, but correct me if I’m wrong!) Still he doesn’t want to break up till he knows his destiny! What the fuck right!? Unfortunately or luckily; he’s not suit at any criteria that supposed to be. He’d failed to be a priest! ROFL! Don’t hate me for being such an evil person for laughing at that failures but gimme a second and try to imagine. Just in case if he’s success to be what he wanted to be; what will become me? Don’t you think it’s a selfish idiot priest wannabe to still wanna keep up with me while he’s gonna leaving you!? Plus; he might be a luckiest person if I’m still there wailing my ass to wait for him! How lame!!??

I don’t know what I’m thinking about; but everyone seems to against my will! They NEVER listen but jump on to their own conclusion without listening!! So FUCK THAT people! It’s all about trust we talking about and IF YOU WERE ME; WILL YOU WAIT FOR EMPTY HOPES TO WHICH HE MIGHT NOT REALLY INTO YOU!? IT’S HIS SECURITY TO ASK FOR YOU TO WAIT FOR HIM! Geezzz!!

…whatever! I don’t know if this writing is enough or not; but I’m feeling lazy to describe it. Leave me comment then and curse me if you think it’s worthy. “Wrong perception in OWN religion is making one to be naïve, fanatic and idiot!” Well; LOOK AROUND YOU! They’re everywhere!

Click here for related subject, perhaps this help to describe my situation.

P/s: Dude, if you reading this. I am a good person! Don’t worry about your failures to drag me out of the darkness. I’ve been there before! People pray for me every times this happen, especially when things can’t work like you expected!

*** *** *** ***

I fall a thousand times now

And I’ll face a thousand times more

When I fall I’ll get back to my feet

When I’m on my feet;

I’m sure to falls again

After all I keep rising;

Abandon on every sickness

...That’s where the bandage knee come from

*** *** *** ***

\m/BECK\m/

-Still at ROLLING and Laughing-

ROCK ON

Being Tagged

Being Tagged

1. Date of birth.
March 1st, 1984

2. Best present ever?
Silly-horny talking toy (ROFL!)

3. Gift that you dream for?
…haven’t think bout it~

4. Favorite color?
Black as shadow, dark as night, red as blood and pale as the death (…try to figure that! :))

5. Favorite numbers?
13, 666… whatever~

6. Best places to go?
Rome, Russia, Paris, Greece & other classic- atheistic place like

7. Feeling peace when…
…It’s relax

8. Favorite movies...
Tim Burton’s movies and horror

9. Favorite artists...
Tons of them

10. Tagged you:
Xang has tagged me

Thanx for the tag, Xang!

\m/^_^\m/

-Rock On-

Boring Strikes

You Are the Ego

You take a balanced approach to your life. You definitely aren't afraid to act out on your desires - even crazy ones. But you usually think first. Morals drive you as much as hedonism does. You've been able to live a life of pleasure... without living a life of excess.

Are You Id, Ego, or Superego?

My comment: ...Hmmm~

You Are the Artist

You are unique and inspired. You aren't happy unless you are making art of some sort. Almost anything can be a catalyst for your creativity. You find the whole world stimulating. You have beautiful visions, and you're good at expressing them. You like people to see what you see. You also have an inventor's spirit. You're always thinking up new ideas and concepts.

What's Your Life's Mission?

My comment: Like I thought... jk~

Your Personality is Somewhat Rare (ENFP)

Your personality type is enthusiastic, giving, cautious, and loyal. Only about 8% of all people have your personality, including 9% of all women and 6% of all men You are Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Perceiving.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

My Comment: Interesting!

Longest Post: Tags, Awards, My Recent and etc.

Longest Post: Tags, Awards, My Recent and etc.
Thanx for reading. I was feeling a mood-swinger again (I guess it’s still… -_-“). Whatever I feel like those a moment ago while doing my blog walking and I was like wanted to delete my happy writing thingy. Too bad it’s kinda late when some bloggers responses to it and say, “hey it’s great” or whatever that sounds alike. Don’t get it wrong it’s not about it, BUT o well “doldrums strike!” How funny and lame eh? It might become double funny if u read my yahoo messenger status right now at 8.14am, “Good Morning Everyone. I feeel Like I Wanna Go Lesbianism. I'll Go Bisexual Nextime! Today Is Lesbian Day! ROFL!” Thanx for that good laugh. Read it and have a double laugh then.

My conversations with a friend; a friend from school
Friend: gd morning
Me: morning lol
Friend: apa ko mimpi semalam? Lol (her laughing smiley here)
Me: (my laughing smiley here) haha!!
Friend: ok jgk tu
Me: depressed baa ni... budu kan
Friend: jz try la
Me: (my laughing smiley here)
Friend: (her laughing smiley here)
Me: rofl! hari ini lesbian day oo.. -_-"" so keep ur hips at couch n relax.. rofl
Friend: cool ka lang
Me: hahah! k.. sa blog walk baa ni

Tell me then which part of these are funny.

P/s: I wonder how is the heck if I declare to each friend that I am actually a Bi? Answer: I must be alienate and blackmail then. Life is SO beautiful.
Oh yeah, btw Uncle Greg and Honey Sis has mentioned bout the followers-widget-thingy and yup I think they’ve gone crazy but I’ve fix mine. My account become an invisible-follower to almost all blogs; fixed that and I believed that some of my followers/ friends are having the same problem too. Thanx for the info. Cheers.

P/s: Thanx to friends who always visit my blog, dropping me words and tagging me (tags/awards). Even though that it’s been a busy moment, lame server, being fat-lazy-ass and having a crossed-eyes mouse; you guys are always around. Thanx friends, bloggers and readers.

*** *** *** *** *** ***

The Wedding Tag
(Tagged by: Nc and Belle.)

My comment: It’s funny “why?” LOL, but whatever. Cheers & thanx! :)

1. How old are you? 25; March 1st is my birthday.
2. Are you single? Ouch! Yes. Half hate it and half loving it. (Don’t ask~)
3. At what age do you think you’ll get married? Ntah laa.. tidak terkawin mangkali ni… (ROFL! Idk I’m not in a mood of talking bout it. Perhaps someday… -_-“ riiight~)
4. Do you think you’ll marrying the person you are with now? … (-_-)” Thanx for the Q. LOL
5. If not, who do you want to marry? … (-_-)” Idk.
6. Who will be your bridesmaid & bestman? …(-_-)” Ouhh.. Idk~
7. Do you want a garden/beach or traditional wedding? Dark and gloomy old cathedral (Ouch~) … -_-“
8. Where do you plan to go on honeymoon?…(-_-)” anywhere with classic-atheistic history places or what ever~ (-_-)” Serious whatever~ (-_-)” This Qs is killing. LOL
9. How many guests do you think you’ll invite? Fuck! LOL (-_-)”
10.Will that include your exes?(-_-)” Idk… whatever~ Idk~ Whatever~ (-_-)”
11.How many layers of cake do you want? (-_-)” …*thinking* (-_-)”
12.When do you want to get married, morning or evening?Midnight (-_-)” Don’t ask. LOL
13.Name the song/tune you’d like to play at your wedding .…(-_-)” Whatever that sounds like, “My fallen Angel”. (-_-)”
14.Do you prefer fine dining or just normal spoon & fork/knife? Victorian-Dinning theme.
15.Champagne or red wine? Whichever… Red wine perhaps.
16.Honeymoon right after the wedding or days after the wedding?(-_-)” Why wait for after wedding? ROFL! …(-_-)” Whatever~
17.Money or household items?-_-“ …Gargh!
18.How many kids would you like to have? -_-“ …seize the size of both’s bank account first! LOL
19.Will you record your honeymoon in DVD/CD?-_-“ Fuck! Idk! (-_-)”
20. Whose wedding plan would you like to know next? Idk… Serious~ (-_-)” Whatever~

*** *** *** *** *** ***
I would like to say thanx to Nc for the V-day greeting. Happy belated cupid day girl~ Love the graphic pictures.

*** *** *** *** *** ***
Awards Tag
Thanx to: Izan, Nc, Nadia, and Xang for those tags.

They’ve given me some of those award-tags. Some of the award tags have rules and other have questions to answer. So I’m gonna make it shorts and sorry for not spreading the tag. Again; I’m loving it and thanx. (Everyone are welcome to grab it)

Questions in one of those award tags:-
Write 5 things you are passionate about aside from blogging.
1. Listening to my playlist music
2. Gaming
3. Surfing and checking emails, friends networking site etc.
4. Designing & editing pictures etc
5. Watching porn (Whatever!) (-_-)”

*** *** *** *** *** ***
Purse Tag
(Tagged by: Avanus Girl) Thanx :)!

Rules:
1. Snap the picture of both inner and outer of your purse
2. Introduce your purse brand, price & place of you gotten it
3. Take out whatever inside your purse
4. Tag 7 persons/bloggers

5. Comments on the person’s purse who tagged you

My Answers:
Brand: …emm it have Nightmare Before Christmas’s picture theme
Price: RM40+ (Forgot)
Place: Some mini shop at CP (Can’t recall the name of the shop~)
Tagging: Zi, Nadia, Sarah, Xang, honey, Suzi, Rick …(can’t think of any names, ouch)
Comment for Avanus: :) Nice silvery purse! :) It’s big! And useful! Of course! :) lol.
What Inside: A few Ringgit, stamps, bank account cards, pictures (mine, ex's and old friends pictures), IC card, Car License Card, and some illustration of cigarette

*** *** *** *** *** ***

15 Qs Tag
(Tagged by Avanus. Thanx girl! Again! ^_^ …I’m tagging Zi and Sarah)

1. What's your full name?Gonna be Medusa! (For shitty life!)
2. Do you hate someone at this moment?Naa.. Who ME to hate anyone? …maybe pissed, get annoyed and fed up~ (whatever~)
3. What makes you hate her/him?Whatever~ Read answer no.2 properly!
4. You love your family? Of course!
5. List 5 names of your friends that you love.…Everyone~ (Whatever~) -_-“

6. Why do you love them?…Idk, that’s what it suppose to be! If you realized…
7. Who do you prefer, your dad or mom? Mum! Dad! Whatever~ Both!
8. Did someone make you cry this week? Nope.
9. When was the last time you make your friend laugh? Idk. Ask em~
10. Do you like someone at this moment? ^.^ Oh Hell I do! ROFL! …erk~ Temporary~ Who knows.. La laa laaa~
11. What was the last present you received?A virtual gift for my birthday~ :P
12. Are you missing someone? Not actual
13. What was the last message did you received from your ex-girlfriend/boyfriend? Idk I have none; A couple of years aren’t counted.
14. What was the last comment you received? Mmm.. at here. Blog. Idk; read it open it.
15. What is your wish for your birthday this year?…forgot~ I guess I didn’t really make any wishes. I had a birthday celebration at school with friends. March 1st was it. Thanx for asking.

*** *** *** *** *** ***
Thanx for reading!

-Beck here; the Bandagedknee. Your Broken Medusa-
\m/ Chill. ..and Rock on! Yeah! \m/

Moonlight Crazy!

Moonlight Crazy!
(Note: He might be reading. So what!? Not at any intention to humiliate anyone. It’s OVER and I’m happy! Yay!)

I’m happy today!
Happy! Happy! Happy! Happy! Happy! Happy! Happy!!!

I feel like I wanna touch the sky
I feel like I wanna dance in an ocean!
Neptune won’t mad today
And the sky won’t cry tonight!
I feel like I own this world!

Laa Laaa Laaa Laaa Laaaa
I don’t need to hear the music!
Laa Laaa Laaa Laaa Laaaa
I will sing without any music!
Laa Laaa Laaa Laaa Laaaa
I am the music now!

I’m happy today!
Happy! Happy! Happy! Happy! Happy! Happy! Happy!!!

I feel like I wanna laugh in the rain
I feel like I wanna go naked at winter!

Laa Laaa Laaa Laaa Laaaa
Laa Laaa Laaa Laaa Laaaa Laaaa

I feel happy today! Happy! Happy! Happy! Happy! Happy! I don’t know how to describe it but I REALLY feel happy! I might lost in almost EVERYTHING from “before” to “today” but I feel happy \m/(^_^)\m/ because I’ve solved (maybe) one of my misery! Yeeha! Sky won’t rain forever; neither gloom everyday! I really feel HAPPY!

I’ve talk to a person yesterday and finally I found myself a step happier than ever! I’ve talk to that person; and I’ve realized that I’ve found the truth! Actually I found the truth earlier than what am I expected to know; too bad it was too complicated and I was hurt so badly. I wish everything is just a nightmare BUT it isn’t! I thought it will be Okayed too bad it’s just become almost TOO worst! Before it gone too far; I guess I should move on. He needs to move on too; too bad either he “still being dumb and doesn’t know/realized” or he still “playing innocents”, that he actually betrayal my trust! I was dumb before; but now I feel sorry for him because he STILL being a “dumber” to realized that he has hurt me. (Well; NOT ANYMORE!!)

I'm feeling HAPPY and feel victory today!!! \m/^_^\m/

1. I won’t be a victim of a person who is a dumb-innocent-liar!
2. I won’t risk myself from a victim of a person who has problems in keeping words or sticking on his own feet!
3. I won’t hurt myself from a person who is being selfish!
4. I won’t let myself being a victim of a person who cowardice to speak/admit the truth!
5. I won’t make myself miserable from waiting an empty hope!
6. I won’t drown myself from being a victim who has perfect dumb-lies.
7. I won't be any loser for being a victim of this person again! Yay!!!

Sooner or later I know he’ll knew that it’s all his sorry-fantasies that ruin everything; and while it happen I knew he’ll think about me. While he's thinking about me; I know he’ll realized that he have done things that he’s trying to avoid! He’ll think about HE IS AT HIS SORRY-SIDE!

Hugs for everyone! \m/^_^\m/

\m/ROCK ON! \m/Yeah!

P/s: I feel triumph today! I feel happy. Baby, it’s over! ROFL!! I feel like singing! Yeehaaaa!!! Laaa Diii Daaa Deee Daaaa! May he’ll achieve to be a person that he always wanted to be (so he won’t lie or being any cowardice anymore) Laaa Diii Daaa Deee Daaa! LOL

-Beck here; the Bandagedknee-

Rotten Dark Confession

Rotten Dark Confession
Okay fine… I feel down. I feel bad. Perhaps I should write…

I feel little
I feel small
I feel sore, pain, and hurt
Sometimes I think I’m already dead
Trying to hurt myself even more…
You just don’t understands
No one does
I feel like I don’t have everything to compete with other
I don’t care about everything that happens around;
That’s makes me being a dumbest girl in earth
I just realized that I am a biggest problem to myself
To which I can’t solve it; right!
When it comes to be together in group
I can go with the flow;
I force myself to go with it
Luckily I am always in their circle
Especially when I wanted to;
Too bad it makes me hurt sometimes
To which I disagree on some attitudes
Either towards me or to other people
It makes me hurt and sore so badly
I wish it to end
I tried not to mind others
But I feel bad to myself
I feel sorry
Sometimes I feel like I had lost everything
When everyone wants to be pretty
Let me be the ugliest one
It’s not that I wished to be
But I know I’m not at my best
I don’t have any good features
Not any talented or brainy
And I become worst when I meet any new person
Individually and in person
Because I know I am not better
I know I am not as great as anyone
I can’t remember things well
Too bad I can’t forget any bad memories and experiences
I hate it when people that I like
Is being apart… and lost forever
They found their new friends or love
Sooner or later I’m sure I’ll be forgotten
While everyone is forgetting me
I think it’s good for me to step behind before it happen
Life sucks; that’s my opinion
Waiting for it to change
Too bad it become worst than I thought
I ban on people’s attitudes
I’m not perfect! So to everyone!
I sick at everything!
Love, life, friendships, marriage, relationships, trust
I feel hopeless!
I feel ugly!
Not just bout physical thingy but in almost EVERYTHING!
I wonder;
Is it only me who feel that way!?
Is it only me to feel sore about life 24/7?
Why does it always have to be me!?
Sometimes I know I just ruin everything on!
I don’t meant to do that
But I can’t it
Perhaps these really need an end
A perfect end so everything goes better
I wish I never been here
With life, sore and pains
It’s just unfair!
Friends says that I changed
Too bad I am always being myself
I unleashed my inner self
Being free and hard
Makes me grow a lil’stronger

-I don’t know what am I thinking; but I guess this writing helps!-

-Beck here; the bandagedknee
And yours; Broken Medusa-

Bandaged ME!

Bandaged Me!

Have you ever wake up in a morning growling and mourning about you hate yourself and your life; so you wanted to rip out your eyes, scratch on your face and cursing your day? Blaming on everything that had happen or may happen, you just not there. Living happy happily ever after like the rest of other people.
I hate my face
I hate my lips
I hate my eyes
I hate myself
I hate my life
And I hate everyone!

I hate every faces that “carve by angels”
I hate everything that “shoots by cupids”
I hate everything that “bright and shiny life”
Even any “king or queen Midas” is a curse of pain!
Whatever I like it in a symbolic ways; leave it or percept it well!

I learnt how to cut, now I know “why!?”
I guess I start to cuts again
It’s been for ages now
I think I feel t right
Claudel says that, “you just need to find the reason that makes you feel sore”
Rodney says, “If it is a bad years; better you just leave it behind and try not to remember it”
Ary says… I guess I’ve been too emotional this lately so I burst out and talk shit to just anyone. Still I feel like shit! I feel it SORE; it’s like a lump of pain in my heart and I don’t know how to let it off.

Morning eh?
Its bullshit, I hate my life especially myself!

-Broken Medusa-

Razor Night!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009, 2:15AM

I was out today with a friend this evening. It’s all good, I was having fun. Too bad …I don’t really feel good tonight. I can't sleep. Suddenly~ I feel hurt. How lame!? It’s NOT about that friend-date; it’s about everything.

ABOUT STUPID WHEEL

Life sucks so badly
Life, You, Me; It’s just bullshit!
People says that life is like in a wheel
Sometimes you’re ups
And sometimes you’re down
Sometimes you’ll be happy
And sometimes you should feel sore
IT’S BULLSHIT!
Life sick! Worst after another!
Life, You, Me; Hell it is BULLSHIT!
I don’t know about others;
But me; ITS WORST THAT WHAT YOU THOUGHT
Life, You, Me; I can’t really tell HOW!!
People says that life is like in a wheel
I wonder WHEN will my wheel turns up
I wonder WHEN it be BETTER
The wheel NEVER turns UP!
How Lame!?
WHY it is JUST me!?
Fuck!
The wheel stuck longer to be at a bottom
Longer then anyone’s
…
SORE!

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Friday, March 13, 2009, 9:10PM

…again I’m gonna write about a loser’s lifestyle~

When everyone is feeling happy
Definitely I’m the one who feel bad
When everyone is cheers with blessed things
I’ll be the one who fakes smiles and feeling sore from the insides
Jumping like madness and making stupid clown-faces around!
I hate everyone and I hate everything!
I just don’t know what to do...

Again; some people might says that this is a silly-writing; readers or friends might says that this is a silly stuff to know; I DON’T CARE! You know NOTHING about me! Not even GOD OR GODDESS TO KNOW! Not even my parents! Mum, Dad! YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND! READ THIS! Come on! FUCK-READ IT!!!

Tired; home ride from schools makes me tired too bad I can’t make myself sleep in this fucking hour! I don’t feel like wanna live. It’s like I don’t really care if I live or die no more; and while coming back from school to my house, I was like, “If I am in a car accident; I will not care about if only I die or live. But I hope that I’ll die!” it’s just too hard to explain, “WHY!?”…And while feeling like shit for a few days now; I feel like imagining a few ugly designs that says, “HELL, BITCH THIS IS ME!! A LOSER BLACK HEARTED 24/7!!” (Whatever~)

Friends keep talking about love thingy. LOVE love LOVE Love LOVE love and LOVE!!! They’re everywhere!! The loves ALL is in the airs! Too bad I am not any person that can reach those fucking thing! I hate Love! I hate Love! I hate everyone! And I have everything that sounds like love! … I just hate everything! I swear if I meet any cupid in person I’ll tear off their wings and breaks all of their annoying love-arch! (Idiot~)

… Can’t really write EVERYTHING in here as those entire sore things is driving me nuts every single minute! Not all about love but again I am feeling like I’M SICK OF BURDENS!!! I’m sick of being HOPE every single days and I HATE TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITIES THAT I’VE HOLD FOR SO LONG!!!

I ban on everything and I curse at anything!

Trying to find any things that can make me feel better; a razor or anything that can transmit my pain coz loud songs can’t help NO MORE! But too bad; I CANT FIND ANY FUCKING RAZOR!!! I CAN’T FIND ANYTHING THAT CAN REALLY WIPE THOSE PAINS!!! Bouncing my head to the ground or wall hard-loud will makes EVERYONE TO PAY ATTENTIONS (I DON'T WANT THAT!!!); it takes my PRIVACY OFF (of course!!) So TELL ME WHAT I CAN DO TO MAKE IT JUST END!!?? I don’t feel like wanna talk to anyone; it’s just making things worst or bad BECAUSE NO ONE UNDERSTANDS! Hence; they’re not trustworthy~ …Leaving myself alone again~

…You just don’t understand~

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P/s: ...bored~ Old un-published post is here too. Can't sleep~

-Bandagedknee AKA Your; Broken Medusa-

The Howling of Broken Medusa

The Howling of Broken Medusa

Suddenly I feel like I wanted to cuts; to see how the blood bleeds and feel how the wound hurts. I really need to transmit those pains into other thing that really shows; not for other to know but to make me feel it right. Tears don’t come out and smiles always interpreted wrongly; I just can’t stand those shits.

Suddenly I feel down. There is no one to understand. Not even GOD! I don’t know what to trust or how to trust anymore. I don’t know what to believe. If there is really god (or else he must rocking his ass watching us DIES IN PAIN!) why do we have to suffer? Why do we have to mourns at any loses we have? Why does he have to take everything that he has gave? Why!? Why!? And Why!?

I can’t sleep and I can’t really feel the atmosphere around. There are lots of things that storming in my mind; as I really wanted it to just end. I wish I could leave everything and run from everything. Start a new beginning or just end on EVERYTHING.

I don’t trust anyone. I don’t trust any god either! It’s making me rotten soon than what I really expect it to be. If only I have a gut to end everything tonight; this post maybe for the last… I just can’t stand everything anymore.

Beck here;
The Bandagedknees
Your Broken Medusa
A Dark Venus
And a Rotten Soul

…I just need to end everything~

Frustration Life!

8:38AM Friday; March 6, 2009
Okay, life is about a “circle”, not only it might repay your dignity to which it sometimes goes up and sometimes it goes down; BUT it goes circle on your poorness too! Today you’re feeling down; next two days then, you’ll feel the same after all the new cheers and triumph you’ve got. Too bad the poorness seems ONLY to rotate on YOU! Funny and sad; but TRUE!

Life in class isn’t really that fun anymore; to which I am now feeling extra-aware to even a “laughter-friends”. I can’t really trust anyone at this moment. It’s silly and sounds like childish but; I’m sick of being another victim of human-impurity! They’ve laugh together; but tomorrow behind their back they’re spreading lies or even the truth; too bad the fact isn’t really confronted like grown and non-cowardice person. They’ve lies! They’re denying all the truth that they’ve spoken!

Seriously, I am not a person that enjoys neither any argument nor any words; I already lose. Too bad the hardest thing to create; TRUST is already betrayal. I’m feeling depresses at some person that telling lies and denying on the dark-truth! I rather stand back and keep it to myself. I can’t really trust anyone. I don’t know how to trust or creates any trust. I ban the “friends & friendships idea!”

Not at any single perfect someone to stand and pointing at others impurities but because of knowing myself; I DARE TO WRITE THE TRUTH! I’m not perfect; not even an angelic but being in a deepest shit is making me sick 24/7!

This journey isn’t really for long;
So perhaps I should leave the crowd
And wipe all the memories
Sooner or later; I’ll be forgotten

This insanity isn’t really for me; once again I’m not in a mood of merging and crowding with any person. I suggested them to study their faces in the mirror before talking shits about others!

Again and again; life sucks with idiotic attitudes; too bad those idiots never realize that!


1:04AM Saturday; March 7, 2009
Tonight I feel stress. Everything reminded and packs! About my love-life, about my backgrounds, family matters and fucking classes crisis! Its making me feel bore of life. Bore of everything and sick of humanity attitudes. Other good friends has claimed that’s life; they’re everywhere no matter where you’re gonna be; they’ll always be around. Well read this; BOOST UP YOUR MORALITY! It’s not about religion; it’s about MORALITY! Some people says, “Not all people have morality, but for religious person of course they’ll have morality.” Well READ THIS THEN! That’s a total theory! This is for real! “Not all morality-person have religion; of course! Not all people who commit religious have a PROPER MORALITY! They spit shits at their religious belief! It’s a fake!”

Again; I feel a bit heavy tonight. About a selfish love-life; I’ll swear I’ll be forgotten. About family matters; I don’t know when it will end. I’m sick of dealing with BURDENS ALONE! I need it to end. End everything and nothing at all! About people’s attitudes; no other words than frustrated with the friendship. Too bad they’re written in a bad record. I’m sick of hypocrites and arrogance-idiotic; the truth is being twisted. I know now I can’t stand at anyone feet; they’re denying each truth or lies that they’ve spreads. Too bad they forgot that their best-man is the person who makes fact or lie sounds stronger. I feel dumb; I feel stress and I feel frustrated!

I feel like I wanted to run away;
Run away from everything;
Run away from anything;
The burdens; the fakeness;
They’re killings!
Run away as far as your eyes can’t catch
Run away as fast as I can run
Run away and never look back
Run… and run… and run
Perhaps it needs to end;
Perhaps I should decides when
If I have a guts to do so;
It will end as soon as the breath last

-Beck here; the Bandagedknee-

Shits That I've Learn!

Shits That I've Learn!

I shit at people who think they’re know the best and blaming others for each mistaken that ever exist! Hence; denying things and pointing at others weakness isn’t really a good idea to seek “peace”!

Life, people, couple! SHIT!

Again; I NEVER regrets to each words that I claim to be “satisfy”; staying at home rather than merging and communicating with people, person or just anyone around! It’s pissing! I won’t trust any KIDDO’S TALK anymore! I hate the people; I hate the friendships, I hate the words, “trust” and I FUCKING HATES EVERYTHING!

Today I have extra-learnt that TRUST NO ONE is a fucking RELEVANT tips in life! And APOLOGIZE TO MAKE THINGS BETTER IS A BIG MISTAKES! Everything become worst! About people’s attitudes, about egoistic, about manners and idiotic! It is all in one! Throw away your RELIGION! Throw away your MANNERS you’re ALL YOU!

Again; I’m a totally piss, regrets and annoys at a few person who act idiotic! I was THERE apologizing for things that I felt isn’t really sweet to be! To be true; the instinct always right! Only that trying to prove things that aren’t really “good” isn’t my way of life! So to make things right; I offers an apologized to cooling things down; too bad it become WORST! I was THERE lowering my egos to ASK for EM’ for PEACE!!! Too bad things become WORST!! Hence, none of it makes sense after the apologized but to be real it’s killing me; especially after realized that they’re trying to backing up their DARKEST MISTAKE; too bad I’m not into any person to spots on others wrong ESPECIALLY with a MISSION: OFFERING PEACE!!! UNFORTUNATELLY; SHIT HAPPEN! It BECOMES WORST!!!!

Life, people, and attitude sucks! My OPINION: Big mistakes!

NEXT; I’ve learnt NOT TO TRUST “FRIENDS”, especially to someone who likes to listen to your stories. Your background and your lifestyles! They’re potential to be someone who likes to spread things out and telling lies or messing gossips with extra-words-in-gossips! Too bad the MY INSTINCTS is proven to be true by those TRUTHS that reveals! Only that; WHY POINTING ON YOUR SHIT TOWARDS ME IF I REALLY WANNA SEEK PEACENESS!!?? Too bad my apologized is a waste! It becomes WORST!!!!!!

I ban the friendship! I ban the trusts! I ban the community! I hate everything! I hate the people! I hate the friendships! And I hate this life!

-What Goes Around; Comes Around!-

Beck; the bandagedknee, Your Broken Medusa; and the Poisonous writer!-