Again! Shits Happen MOSTLY TO ME!!!
5 February 2009; Wednesday
Bored! I feel bored! Bored, boring and unmotivated! I guess I must miss my dude. I’m not in a mood of socialize. Not even any words to do jokes. I wish I can talk with him so badly; too bad he’s NOT THERE! Talking shit about how is my stormy heart at this moment is totally a shitty thing to do! I just wish I can talk to just anyone (maybe?) …I need to stay put and relax~ Too bad only with him I feel relax (-_-)” I wish I can talk to him or at least just killing time together.
Anyway; stress-management-activities make me worry sometimes. I’ve smokes and drinks to reduce tensions! …bad smells of breath and smelly sweat is making me worried now. I wish it didn’t really strike me.
…Bored and feeling bad! The syndrome strikes again! Grrrrgh!
26 February 2009; Thursday
Today I feel like shit! Everything bore me! Everything seems boring. Not any single words to describe my boringness. I am so feeling down besides that~ I was in the class; now I’m at home (dorm). Seriously I’m not in a mood of cheers. Sometimes I’m thinking of a single cut or maybe two to make me realize that I’m actually alive. I feel bored, annoying and lazy; and I miss my old life. I guess I’m not into living today. I miss my ex. I miss my dude; my “current dude”; too bad it’s like I’m missing no one. Seriously I am missing no one. He doesn’t seem to exist. Too bad I can’t really let him go out of my mind. Not that I’ve known him for the rest of my life; but to be honest we’re in a stage of knowing each other; only that I think that I’m left behind (totally it’s just feel like the rest of em). Suddenly I feel like shit. I’m thinking of Max’s new-current-relationship. Not that I’m envious to be part of him but I am so envy of him; getting a new flash PLUS she must be great! I heard it from Suzi and I say who cares; to be true I don’t care; too bad he’s getting a good one and how is me? How are everyone; and how about me anyway? She must be pretty...
I’d watch lots of fucking love-birds outsides and damn I really hate each one of em. I hate everyone and I hate everything! For real I don’t know what to do, what to say and who to talk with. I suck at sharing my worst to just anyone; especially through eyes to eyes and hearts to hearts; they just know NOTHING. Trying to talk with him but it’s just a same old thing; I can’t really get enough of talk with him; it’s just too stupid. Lovebirds at class are now getting married (LOL); and I really shits at any love and lovers stuff. I fuck em to hells because I am miserably-haters-to-any-lovers. LOL. I hates the beauty, I hates the cheers, I hates the girls, I hates the guys and I hates the love-love thingy; May your life become worst than mine!
I guess I just miss my dude; too bad missing him isn’t really giving me any trophies! It’s just a dull song in a grave! …because honestly I don’t feel like I’m loved or else! It’s just bullshit!
1:45PM, 27 February 2009, Friday
Another disgrace of stories to share;
A story that no one wanted to know;
A story that no one wanted to read;
And a story that no one wanted to be…
I’m out of mood; too bad choosing to be a hypocrite for some day isn’t really giving me any good choices to be. I’m broken, I’m a sober, and I’m a dignity-loser of all times; trying to be cool and stay chill… it’s all fake! I’d hurt triple-worst than ever!
The Meaning of Pain
When you think you’re drown
I already died
Everything that you’ve own
Isn’t really acceptable anymore
When you think it’s complicated
How about me in here?
And every time they talk about trust
It sounds like a trash to me
When you think you’re lost
I already broke
My soul, my belief and my mind
Isn’t really here no more!
When you think it’s possible
Tell me how does it fail?
And every times you talk about hopes
I’ll bury myself 9feets to the ground
How life is?
How love is?
How to live?
When you think you’re a sober
I wish I could cry too
Tears might wipe certain pains
Too bad it didn’t work on me
I’m broken, I’m lost and I’m dying
There is nothing that you can do
I’ll be in disgrace…
I’m not in any mood of pointing at anyone; asking, begging or wishing for any goods to gain. Honestly; WHO AM I TO ASK FOR ANY BETTER LIFE TO BE!? I wish I’m there; with stars and moon on my lap~ too bad skies is too high to achieve; not even a glance I can see any shines.
Honestly I miss my dude. My “current” dude; too bad I don’t know when would this relationship have to end? Things aren’t really good for me; not even any hopes to guarantee “it’s satisfying!”
Sooner or later everything’s fragile will be broken!
Wounds and scars will burn!
There will be no heals!
Not even a savior!
They’ve died before the time come!
I pity at my life; trying to feel sorry but frankly it is a perfect curse for me. Funny to read on others destructions (eh?), fun to read about how’s life doomed to fucked with destruction! But dare to undergo this shit! I bet none of anyone has really fucked this way!
Anyway; I was wondering if only anyone has complaints that they’ve missing someone; do they really mean it, “missing someone so badly!?” Or it’s just a physical needs or else? Baby, I miss you! (ROFL!) …too bad I can see it won’t go better like I hope.
Maybe I shouldn’t take any rest to dream that life is soperfect. It doesn’t. To me it’s just nothing. The magical of wonderland isn’t really for me.
P/s: I’ve been thinking or feeling the same way this lately. I just don’t know what comes next.
10:45PM, 27 February 2009, Friday
The story’s over. About this guy; it’s really over. He broke up with me because he’s into holy thingy and me; LOOK AT ME!!?? LOOK AT ME!!?? I have nothing to offers! I’m not pretty; not ever have cute butts to makes anyone’s melt! I have nothing! I lost my trust in GOD! Fucking god! Fucking guys! Fucking love! Whatever! It’s just nothing!
May all the love starve to the hell!
May all lovebirds spill their blood into hells!
May everything goes…
…..
….. It’s just not fair~
Fucking God! Fucking Love! Fucking life! I’ll kill all cupid!
-BECK; Bandagedknee; Your Broken Medusa-
Bored! I feel bored! Bored, boring and unmotivated! I guess I must miss my dude. I’m not in a mood of socialize. Not even any words to do jokes. I wish I can talk with him so badly; too bad he’s NOT THERE! Talking shit about how is my stormy heart at this moment is totally a shitty thing to do! I just wish I can talk to just anyone (maybe?) …I need to stay put and relax~ Too bad only with him I feel relax (-_-)” I wish I can talk to him or at least just killing time together.
Anyway; stress-management-activities make me worry sometimes. I’ve smokes and drinks to reduce tensions! …bad smells of breath and smelly sweat is making me worried now. I wish it didn’t really strike me.
…Bored and feeling bad! The syndrome strikes again! Grrrrgh!
26 February 2009; Thursday
Today I feel like shit! Everything bore me! Everything seems boring. Not any single words to describe my boringness. I am so feeling down besides that~ I was in the class; now I’m at home (dorm). Seriously I’m not in a mood of cheers. Sometimes I’m thinking of a single cut or maybe two to make me realize that I’m actually alive. I feel bored, annoying and lazy; and I miss my old life. I guess I’m not into living today. I miss my ex. I miss my dude; my “current dude”; too bad it’s like I’m missing no one. Seriously I am missing no one. He doesn’t seem to exist. Too bad I can’t really let him go out of my mind. Not that I’ve known him for the rest of my life; but to be honest we’re in a stage of knowing each other; only that I think that I’m left behind (totally it’s just feel like the rest of em). Suddenly I feel like shit. I’m thinking of Max’s new-current-relationship. Not that I’m envious to be part of him but I am so envy of him; getting a new flash PLUS she must be great! I heard it from Suzi and I say who cares; to be true I don’t care; too bad he’s getting a good one and how is me? How are everyone; and how about me anyway? She must be pretty...
I’d watch lots of fucking love-birds outsides and damn I really hate each one of em. I hate everyone and I hate everything! For real I don’t know what to do, what to say and who to talk with. I suck at sharing my worst to just anyone; especially through eyes to eyes and hearts to hearts; they just know NOTHING. Trying to talk with him but it’s just a same old thing; I can’t really get enough of talk with him; it’s just too stupid. Lovebirds at class are now getting married (LOL); and I really shits at any love and lovers stuff. I fuck em to hells because I am miserably-haters-to-any-lovers. LOL. I hates the beauty, I hates the cheers, I hates the girls, I hates the guys and I hates the love-love thingy; May your life become worst than mine!
I guess I just miss my dude; too bad missing him isn’t really giving me any trophies! It’s just a dull song in a grave! …because honestly I don’t feel like I’m loved or else! It’s just bullshit!
1:45PM, 27 February 2009, Friday
Another disgrace of stories to share;
A story that no one wanted to know;
A story that no one wanted to read;
And a story that no one wanted to be…
I’m out of mood; too bad choosing to be a hypocrite for some day isn’t really giving me any good choices to be. I’m broken, I’m a sober, and I’m a dignity-loser of all times; trying to be cool and stay chill… it’s all fake! I’d hurt triple-worst than ever!
The Meaning of Pain
When you think you’re drown
I already died
Everything that you’ve own
Isn’t really acceptable anymore
When you think it’s complicated
How about me in here?
And every time they talk about trust
It sounds like a trash to me
When you think you’re lost
I already broke
My soul, my belief and my mind
Isn’t really here no more!
When you think it’s possible
Tell me how does it fail?
And every times you talk about hopes
I’ll bury myself 9feets to the ground
How life is?
How love is?
How to live?
When you think you’re a sober
I wish I could cry too
Tears might wipe certain pains
Too bad it didn’t work on me
I’m broken, I’m lost and I’m dying
There is nothing that you can do
I’ll be in disgrace…
I’m not in any mood of pointing at anyone; asking, begging or wishing for any goods to gain. Honestly; WHO AM I TO ASK FOR ANY BETTER LIFE TO BE!? I wish I’m there; with stars and moon on my lap~ too bad skies is too high to achieve; not even a glance I can see any shines.
Honestly I miss my dude. My “current” dude; too bad I don’t know when would this relationship have to end? Things aren’t really good for me; not even any hopes to guarantee “it’s satisfying!”
Sooner or later everything’s fragile will be broken!
Wounds and scars will burn!
There will be no heals!
Not even a savior!
They’ve died before the time come!
I pity at my life; trying to feel sorry but frankly it is a perfect curse for me. Funny to read on others destructions (eh?), fun to read about how’s life doomed to fucked with destruction! But dare to undergo this shit! I bet none of anyone has really fucked this way!
Anyway; I was wondering if only anyone has complaints that they’ve missing someone; do they really mean it, “missing someone so badly!?” Or it’s just a physical needs or else? Baby, I miss you! (ROFL!) …too bad I can see it won’t go better like I hope.
Maybe I shouldn’t take any rest to dream that life is so
P/s: I’ve been thinking or feeling the same way this lately. I just don’t know what comes next.
10:45PM, 27 February 2009, Friday
The story’s over. About this guy; it’s really over. He broke up with me because he’s into holy thingy and me; LOOK AT ME!!?? LOOK AT ME!!?? I have nothing to offers! I’m not pretty; not ever have cute butts to makes anyone’s melt! I have nothing! I lost my trust in GOD! Fucking god! Fucking guys! Fucking love! Whatever! It’s just nothing!
May all the love starve to the hell!
May all lovebirds spill their blood into hells!
May everything goes…
…..
….. It’s just not fair~
Fucking God! Fucking Love! Fucking life! I’ll kill all cupid!
-BECK; Bandagedknee; Your Broken Medusa-
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5 comments:
*hugs Beck*
take it ez k.....
Hope tmmrw will be a better day for you Beck. Try sumthin new or have a walk around campus (sounds boring.. hmhm). If your campus got tasik or taman near em, go there with your mp3/mp4, grab a book or two and read em there.. at least you can avoid the crowd for a moment..
I read..I feel..I understood..
Someties I do feel the same..but I dont want to give up and let the emotion fill the time..try to go out and do something.. :)
..im dont know wat to say beck,, ('.'),,but i know u r strong enough to face it.u have all the bloggers support,,for sure (^_^)
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